Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Life After A Miscarriage, One Year Later

Exactly one year ago today, God gave me a second lease on life.

Some moments in life change you forever and
my loss last year was one such event. By no coincidence, there is a lunar eclipse tonight - a "Red Moon Rising". Reading about it in the papers today I thought for a moment, what could be the significance of that? I Googled it and found a book with the exact same title that talks about a 24-7 prayer movement that begun in London in 1999. The book talks about the power of prayer and how it can see one through in the darkest of times. Prayer is the "red moon rising" against the backdrop of a dark evening sky. I suppose God only wanted to remind me of His promise and His faithfulness amidst difficult and challenging times. That no matter how dark the landscape may seem to be, He will always be there for us and that all we need to do is call on Him.

It took me a while to get over that loss. Looking back now I guess I was just so glad to make it through a life-threatening situation that it was months later when I realized that, "Hey, I lost another child too." In November last year, H and I began to facilitate Griefshare and it was there, in one of the sessions that the loss finally sank in. A miscarriage, such as the one I had, is a valid loss and it takes anywhere from six - nine months for the the physical body and the emotions to get back to normal. It's no wonder then why in December, four months after my surgery, I was still weepy and touchy. I can say now that it was only around March or April this year, that I was finally able to move on.

And by moving on, I closed a chapter in my work life, but then by God's grace, a new one was born and my work life, in a sense, came full circle as I returned to the paper that first nurtured me into becoming the writer that I am now.

In the year past, there are many things that I have re-evaluated and have painfully come to terms with, to this day, the story continues to unfold. Many lessons have been given to me in the last 12 months. Last week I had lunch with my good friend Alya and I was telling (more like ranting) to her about several changes in my life. Always wise, she told me that for most of us at this stage, a "spring cleaning" of sorts is necssary when we realize that the old ways and the old relationships do not work anymore. When the winter of one's life has passed, one needs to weed out and prune, sometimes painfully, what is unecessary in order to make way for the new life and growth that spring brings.

Today I thank God for the second lease in life He has given me. Lord grant me the wisdom and grace to live it well in accordance to your purpose and will for me.