Migi's 14th Birthday In Heaven

My son Migi marks his 14th birthday in heaven on Thursday, February 21, 2008. He has been living there, with the heavenly Father, for close to nine years now.

"Does it become easy after nine years?" Many people have asked me this question. I choose to answer the question with both a yes and a no.

Yes, because after nine years you do not cry as much, but no, because you continue to remember. There is not a day that goes by when you do not think about the little boy who filled your life with love and laughter but was gone to soon.

Yes, because God is gracious and merciful and over the last nine years He has given me and my family the peace that passes all understanding. No, because there will always be that void in your heart that no one else, but God can fill.

Yes, because out of his loss, Migi's Corner was borne and because of it many children now have a place of solace while they themselves heal. No, because with the opening of each new project you relive all over the again, the reason why the project came to be in the first place, and so it always is an emotional and weepy time.

Yes, because in spite of losing one son, it is like we have gained many children. Migi continues to live on in the heart of every child who has ever spent time in any of the 14 corners now in existence.

But God is all-wise and all-knowing and ever gracious because He always sends his comfort, and allows a message to come down from heaven every year in the week leading to his birthday, since Migi left us 10 years ago.

On several years it was the opening of a corner, timed perfectly with a birthday.

On another it was receiving a whole box of goody bags from a donor (who did not know it was his birthday) with the words "Happy Birthday!" emblazoned on it.

This year it was the mural on the latest Migi's Corner, a joint project between our foundation and my Maryknoll High School Batch '82. The project is a daycare to be used by the children of the employees of Miriam College. Integrated is a breastfeeding corner that will be made open to the teachers and the single mothers who study at the college.

All of Migi's Corners have murals that depict Migi and his favorite dinosaurs in various settings - the sea, the park, in a forest, on a beach, under the sea. Yesterday, as I stood to gaze at the just completed mural - painted lovingly by my friends Fen, Vena, Raf and some of their other friends from U.P. and UST Fine Arts - I could not help but smile and sigh at the way God works. Uknown to them, at the time that they painted the mural, I had just completed a children's story, for release, later this year, about our family's experience. I excerpt here a portion of that story...

Migi was smaller than other kids his age but he was way smarter than most other four year olds. He could not run as fast, or climb trees, but he loved to read a lot and he enjoyed telling stories. He loved reading about dinosaurs and knew all their names by heart. Migi could name you all the dinosaurs in the whole wide world in a flash!

One time, mommy bought him a sticker book of dinosaurs and he stuck them all over our bedroom….

On his bed…on the chairs…on his cabinets… his bedsheets and on the walls.


Migi and I liked to play a special game. Before entering our room, or before he would let me pass through the door, he would place his arm across and say, “What’s the magic word Ate?” And I would say, “God is good all the time!” and then he would open the gate, and let me in. Oh how we loved to play all sorts of games!

And here is the mural...


So my answer to the question above -- no, because a mother never forgets her child, but yes, because He always sends his comfort and because, in spite of everything, God is good all the time.

A Valentine In Heaven

Our beloved pastor Kevin Alamag and his wife Bel were killed in an accident this morning on Commonwealth Avenue. I just got the news an hour ago from a good friend and we were both shocked and saddened by the news.

Pastor Kevin and his wife are only in their 30s and they leave behind two children, both under the age of 12. Though I am sure that Pastor Kevin and Bel are now happy in their real Home, face to face with the heavenly Father, I cannot help but feel and be sad for their kids. To lose one parent is tough enough, more so at a very young age, how much more both?

This type of loss can be very traumatic and so I pray that the manner by which the news was broken to them was done in a very loving and supportive way. Please include the Alamag's in your prayer time today and over the next few days. May the children find comfort in God's love and may they find the courage and strength that they need to navigate the long journey ahead. We find comfort in knowing that God looks with favor upon orphans and widows. Please think of them during your prayer time. Thank you.

Barack Obama On Faith

"...it's an ongoing process for all of us in making sure that we are living out our faith every day. And, you know, it's something that I try to pray on at the beginning of every day and at the end of every day, whether I'm living my life in a way that's consistent with my faith." - Barack Obama in a Beliefnet.com interview

If I were American I would probably vote for him.

So many criticisms have been hurled at Barack Obama, specifically about his faith life. To set the record straight, he has been quite proactive in meeting with the press and explaining his side. Here are a few of his insights on the faith and religion in general.

His interview with Beliefnet.com and more recent, a Q&A with Christianity Today

Understanding Grief In Toddlers

Will Matilda ever remember Heath after he has long been gone?

Reading this entry on the Babyrazzi.com website made me stop, and reflect, looking into my own life and into my files (I teach a course on grief at the Ateneo De Manila) to answer this question that many people have wondered about since the day Heath died.

The very first question you would most likely as is -- Can a child this young understand the loss? My answer to that is, yes, they may not be able to fully comprehend it at this stage but they are able to feel it at his point, perhaps just as deeply as an older child or adult would but they will not be able to fully express the depth of their pain. Children this age do not yer understand the permanence of death and therefore will probably ask time and again, from out of the blue -- Where's daddy? or Where's mommy?. The important thing for the parent or caregiver to do is not to reply to the child with euphemisms by saying that he or she is asleep or that he or she in in heaven, or worse, say that God needed another angel. For a child this age, you can simply say that "Daddy died." and try to gently explain, in the simplest terms possible why he is not coming back.

Children also grieve in a cyclical pattern. Meaning, the grief or loss will revisit them at various stages in their developmental process and as they remember, there will be more questions because they are slowly inderstanding and coming to terms with the loss. A child, like Matilda, who lost her father at two, may feel the grief all over again at age seven, perhaps on an occasion such as Father's Day, and have new questions that she will want to ask of her surviving parent. That same issue may be raised again at age 12 or 13, upon an important milestone in the child's life, like a graduation, with even more probing questions, and then again in late adolescence. The most important thing to remember is to reply to the questions patiently, in a manner appropriate to the age of the child, to the degree with which they can comprehend it.

Children grieve differently from adults. They may appear okay on the surface but hurt deep inside. They may be sad one minute and playing the next. Play is one way of coping up to a certain age. Being the surviving parent, do not be afraid to grieve in front of your child. Of course hysteria is not encouraged but it's okay to cry in front of your children. That way, they will understand your pain and it can be a venue for you to share memories of your departed loved one.

It is also very important to have a support group available -- for yourself, as a parent and for the grieving child. You will not be able to answer all your child's questions and since you yourself are grieving too, it is very important to get some outside help. Teresa Vorsheck, director of the Highmark Caring Place, a center for grieving children, adolescents and their families in Pennsylvania, says the most important thing of all is just to listen and to be willing to admit you don't have the answers. For example, if a child asks where Mommy or Daddy is, and you don't know what to say, it's OK to say you don't know. If you come from a strong spiritual belief, that can help with the answers, but if you don't, don't be afraid to ask the child, "What do you think?" Try to find the answers together.

"As parents, when a child is hurting, we often feel we need to have the answers and to fix it, but there's no fix for this other than to bring the person back, and we can't do that," Vorsheck says. "This is a part of life, although a very difficult part, and we need to approach it with honesty."

Another Project To Remember Migi By

A few months back, November 10 to be exact, I wrote about a daycare center that Migi's Corner and my high school batch '82 was setting up for the employees of our alma mater, Maryknoll/Miriam College. Sponsored by Migi's Corner and Maryknoll College High School Batch '82, it will be called the Miriam College Daycare Center.

Construction on the project began last Wednesday, January 9 and a small group of good friends, classmates of mine, went to visit the site. Ginny who was here, visiting from Singapore, Larcy and myself, had lunch at Cafe Mary Grace over at Serendra, and from there, motored back to Katipunan.

It's always nice visiting the old school. Ginny had not seen it for ages and was momentarily sentimental. Larcy was trying to identify locations of old familiar places. I guess we are now in that life stage where looking back and reminiscing old times is as normal as breathing :)


The daycarer is located in a lovely, shaded area on campus, close to the grade school. It is the first of it's kind in the Philippines. We are grateful to te Superferry for generously providing us with the 40-ft container van to house the daycare. At the site last Wednesday, we met up with Jorja Santos- Macapagal, another batchmate of ours who was awarded the bidding for the construction of the daycare. I was very happy to see the bid go to a batchmate. Though the project has been fraught with great difficulty, I was just so happy to finally see it get off the ground, literally. A huge part of the work is being done by another architect batchmate, Boots Belmonte-Caingat whose been really passionate about the daycare from day one.

Jorja says that it will take four to five weeks to finish the work. After that, another week to set up the toys, books, furnishings etc... that will go into the daycare. We expect to get it up and running by mid-February, God-willing.


The Lord has been so faithful in providing for the needs of this project. This early, I wish to thank everyone who has graciously given out of their hearts for the project. Forty percent of the funding comes from HS Batch '82, the 60% is covered by Migi's Corner in the form of both cash and donated materials. The architect who has donated her services gratis et amore is a batchmate. The project had to be re-opened for bidding because the initial cost was too high, in the re-bidding, the construction was won by another batchmate. The Memorandum of Agreement was drafted by another lawyer-batchmate, Mylene Yumul-Espina. It seems like every step of the way we are truly being guided by an unseen hand. The story itself of how the van came to be is an amazing example of how HIS hand moves. It never ceases to amaze me to see how His hand has worked magnificently with every Migi's Corner that has been built. For this reason I always like to say that these corners have never been about me, or my son. Our life circumstance was just the vehicle and the inspiration to pursue this kind of work. This has never been about personal glory but about giving back the glory to God who makes all things possible. It is really all about watching God's hand at work. How HE faithfully brings together the people and the resources to complete the work is just truly amazing. However, on a personal note, I know it is also HIS way of constantly bringing comfort to my family through the years. Once again, His timing is ever perfect. This is our 14th project for Migi's Corner, and on February 21, 2008, Migi will be 14 in heaven. I know there's no coincidence in that and I thank HIM for his continuing grace over the last decade since Migi went back home to his real home in heaven.