Grief Is A Journey

Remembering My Son, 11 Years After

2009-06-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

I still find myself smiling wistfully everytime I see a new dinosaur book on display at the bookstore. Part of me wants to grab the book, purchase it and bring it home to include it among your things that are kept in a cabinet close to my work desk at home.Eleven years later, I don't cry as much and I can talk about you now without having to shed a tear, remembering you with smiles more than with

Helping Children Grieve

2009-05-14T16:36:00.000+08:00

He seems okay on the surface. He or she has high grades, continues to play, and does not exhibit any outward manifestations of sadness. Children grieve differently than adults and so we often mistakenly assume that everything is okay and they aren't grieving at all.A child's grief is masked because it looks differently than what we are used to seeing in adults and older kids. Kids grieve in small

When Grief Comes Full Circle

2009-05-03T09:36:00.001+08:00

“There are two ways to live; one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.” - Albert EinsteinSan Francisco, California --- Sometimes you never know where the road leads.I’ve been in the U.S. for the last two weeks, primarily, to attend a conference on death and bereavement and take grief therapy classes in Dallas, Texas and now, I have found my way to San

The Aftermath of Losing Amiel Alcantara

2009-03-01T11:00:00.000+08:00

ADDENDUM: It is also important for the children of Theresa Torres to get the help that they need and we pray that the family recognizes and realizes this. It may be in their best interest to be moved to a different school or city lest they be crucified by less kinder members of the community. They are children and need to be protected too.Many parents have come forwarded and written about their

Fly High! Bidding Amiel Good-bye

2009-02-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

Even grown men cry.At 11:30 AM today, the Chapel of the Holy Angels at the Ateneo de Manila University Grade School was filled to the rafters as members of his family, friends and the school community bid Amiel Alcantara good-bye in a mass that was concelebrated by university president, Fr. Ben Nebres, and Fr. Kit Bautista, grade school headmaster.In a tribute to his youngest brother, Avie

Special Report On Amiel Alcantara

2009-02-28T09:28:00.000+08:00

GMA-7 News came over yesterday to get my thoughts on Amiel's passing. In this video also is my friend, Noemi Dado who founded The Compassionate Friends where we are co-founders as well. Amiel's story is one that has riveted every parent because his death shakes every parent's heart to the core. Later today he will finally be laid to rest. The saddest part of the grief journey is when everyone has

Losing Amiel Alcantara - An Update

2009-02-26T01:21:00.000+08:00

My heart is heavier now than it was earlier today when I started to piece together what had happenned to Amiel Alcantara, the Ateneo fourth grader who was hit by a CRV at the Ateneo de Manila grade school parking lot yesterday afternoon.My husband and I have just returned from his wake and I am shocked, stunned and restless over the circumstances surrounding his death. The Alcantara's actually

Prayers For Amiel Alcantara, Ateneo Grade School Parking Lot Accident Victim

2009-02-25T10:51:00.001+08:00

I couldn't sleep last night.At around 10:30 PM, P came rushing into the room and asked me if I had received a text about a young boy who had died at the Ateneo Grade School earlier that day. I immediately got up and we both looked at L, all of ten, who was fast asleep on the bed. "He was L's age..." she said.The details I have are still sketchy but my heart is so heavy and it goes out to everyone

John Travolta's Grief

2009-01-04T12:00:00.000+08:00

Irregardless of whether his son Jett had autism or not is no longer the question.A son is dead, and John and Kelly Travolta's life will forever be changed by it. How devastating and sad to start the year on a very sad note. It will be a long process for them. I do not know how Scientology deals with matters of loss or if they believe in eternal life at all.My heart grieves for the loss of their

Finding Lala

2008-11-02T05:12:00.000+08:00

Serendipity has always been of my favorite words and it came alive for me in time for All Soul’s Day. It is the story of “finding” someone I had lost 33 years ago and putting closure to a childhood grief experience I thought I had long buried and forgotten. In Kindergarten in the early 70s, I had a best friend at Maryknoll (now Miriam College) named Lala de las Alas. We hit it off

Hannah's Hundred

2008-10-15T14:01:00.000+08:00

The gift of life is the most precious gift of all. If you would like to pay it forward by giving a little girl a shot at life, please read on... A few weeks ago, I wrote about my three birthday wishes. Today, I write about the fourth one. About a month ago, I came across the story of Hannah Ysabelle Cordoviz through my friend Rapa Lopa's Facebook site. Hannah is a one year old girl afflicted

A Book for Grieving Children

2008-10-09T16:45:00.001+08:00

I knew loss as a very young girl when my father died of a heart attack when I was 16 years old. In 1981, an adolescent like myself could not make heads or tails of what the whole grief experience was all about. Drawing from my own personal experience and that of my child's, a little over a year ago, I set out to write a children's story with Pia as my subject. It was the story of how she coped in

Has Justice Been Served?

2008-10-07T10:56:00.000+08:00

Seventeen years ago. On a cold, dark evening. A sixteen year old girl begs for her life. Deaf to her pleas, for some unfathomable reason, she is shot, in cold blood. Seventeen years later, in the dead of the night, while the whole world sleeps, the man who shot the 16 year old in cold blood, is set free. I wonder what thoughts must be going through Hultman's hearts right now? What would I do, if

Holiday Travel and Travel Tips For Kids (ages 3-10)

2008-09-30T06:10:00.000+08:00

Paul Newman's Greatest Legacy

2008-09-28T14:48:00.000+08:00

The Hole In The Wall Camps will be one, if not the most lasting, the most memorable of Paul Newman's legacies. More than his films, and his other philanthropic works, this is the advocacy that perhaps will leave it's mark on thousands of lives. Paul Newman will live on in each every child that has come through this camp. Watch this beautiful video...

Paul Newman, 83 Goes Home

2008-09-28T14:30:00.000+08:00

I just read the sad news. One of my childhood idols has passed away. Paul Newman, 83 died in his Connecticut home after a long battle with cancer. He will be a great loss not only to Hollywood, but to the world, which he made a little better by his presence. Not only was he a brilliant actor but he was a wonderful human being. An Associated Press report says -- "Newman had a soft spot for

Blue Eagles Fly HIGH!

2008-09-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

How sweet it is...! Rabeh and the team rocked Araneta this afternoon. Thank you Lord for leading our boys to victory! 69-61. It was simple awesome! Let's continue to pray and soar!

Let's Help Hannah! One Year Old Needs Portable Ventilator

2008-09-14T05:38:00.000+08:00

There are stories that tug at your heart and remind you of certain points in your life’s journey. Once upon a time, I was a mother with a child who was born with a congenital heart defect. Migi left this world to return to his true home ten years ago, and that episode changed my life, our lives as a family forever. I remember how, when he was just a baby, I would hardly leave the room in

Fly High! Ateneo Defeats De la Salle... Again!

2008-09-06T14:21:00.000+08:00

We soared HIGH... once more! Go ATENEO! All the way to the championship :) A wonderful prelude to our sesquicentennial.

For All Ateneans - Basketball, The Ateneo Way

2008-09-04T04:26:00.000+08:00

This was sent to me via email by my friend and blogmate Jane :) and then I saw it on my other friend Tina's site. Too brilliant not to share! September 6 is THE day...One BIG FIGHT! ADM 102: Introduction to Ateneo-La Salle GamesThu/Sat/Sunday, 4:00 PM, Araneta Coliseum Course DescriptionThe course introduces the student-cheerer to the dynamics and principles of the Ateneo-La Salle rivalry. The

Prayer For My Friend

2008-09-01T19:08:00.000+08:00

And just when I thought that the Lord was done speaking to me through music, I had to "stumble" upon this.Another beautiful one from Casting Crowns. For a friend who is very dear to me. Here's my prayer for you, set in music and lyrics that I pray you will listen to. May the Lord touch your heart.

Who Am I? Here's the answer...

2008-09-01T18:53:00.000+08:00

There are some songs that move the spirit and move you to tears of joy and humility.Last night at worship, one of our pastor's sons sang this song that resonated in me. Reminding me how we are but a speck of dust on this earth and how everything we have - loved ones, talents, and material possessions are only lent to us. "Not because of who I am, but because of who YOU are..." Here today, gone

In The Eye Of The Storm, HIS Eye Is On You

2008-08-27T17:26:00.000+08:00

Today I accompanied a good friend (more like a sister) and her family to her father's first of a series of radiation treatments. The treatments are being done at the hosptal where I work and I consider it a blessing having this opportunity to be of service in whatever little way I can. We watched from the sidelines as her dad was fitted with his mask, and the technician gently positioned him on

Ted Kennedy's Season of Hope

2008-08-26T14:48:00.000+08:00

"For me this is a season of hope...." - Senator Eduard Kennedy I've always been a HUGE Kennedy fan. Teddy Kennedy's speech at today's Democratic Convention was one of the best I have heard. Stirring, inspiring, and heartwarming, it was also a bittersweet moment. I could not help but be teary-eyed while watching him on Youtube today. Perhaps it is also because he shares the same illness with

Tara's Deep Deep Sleep

2008-08-13T18:16:00.000+08:00

It was momentarily surreal for me. Like watching parts of my life in a movie. As H and sat across Tara's parents - Larry and Anne - it was liikelooking at ourselves some ten years ago. Only this time, it wasn't Migi lying in a deep coma but 22 year old Tara Santelices. When I first told H that I wanted to visit Tara's folks in the ICU waiting area of The Medical City, he wondered aloud if it was

While Tara Sleeps...

2008-08-11T15:47:00.001+08:00

What do you do when your child hovers between lifeand death? It is a situation very familar to me, having been there before. I read this entry in my friend Tina's blog. I do not know Tara either but I was very moved by what she andher parents are now going through. Tara is confined in the hospital where I work as a consultant. I will make sure to visit her parents tomorrow and give you an update

While Tara Sleeps...

2008-08-11T15:47:00.000+08:00

Ang Sikreto Ni Victoria

2008-08-07T14:59:00.000+08:00

This entry and photo on my funny friend Charmaine's Multiply site REALLY made my afternoon :) She got this from her friend who shot it somewhere in "bucolic Quezon". Only in the Philippines, right? Don't you just love our Pinoy business savvvvvvy....!

Break Muna...

2008-07-30T16:36:00.000+08:00

I know I promised a part two but I am really exhausted today. Had a pretty exciting day at work and not enough sleep from staying up late last night blogging and facebook-ing (my destresser...). So tonight, I'm slipping into my PJ's really early andwill be kinder to myself. Abangan ang susunod na kabanata. Better to write down my thoughts after I've had a decent night's sleep at baka kung ano ang

Ways To Help Your Doctor Help You

2008-07-06T05:00:00.000+08:00

“You know your body best, so if you want your doctor to help you even more, you need to tell him your story because you are the expert of your own life,” Margaret Bengzon, Head of the Strategic Services Group of The Medical City tells me one afternoon. In the Philippines, the doctor’s word is often, God’s word. As parents of an ill child, the norm is usually to just take what the doctor says

Disaster Mismanagement

2008-06-28T23:48:00.002+08:00

Published in my Roots&Wings column in the Lifestyle Section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, 29 June 2008"Grief is a journey, often perilous and without clear direction, that must be taken. The experience of grieving cannot be ordered or categorized, hurried or controlled, pushed aside or ignored indefinitely. It is inevitable as breathing, as change, as love. It may be postponed, but it will

How Lulu Orena Survived Her Daughter's Abduction

2008-06-22T06:37:00.000+08:00

">">">“I was always against her going to Mindanao because I knew it was very dangerous,” Lulu Orena tells me with a smile a few hours before Ces was to check out of The Medical City. “But Ces has always had a mind of her own. Minsan she will tell me that she’s going there for an assignment,"> when she does, I always remind her – ‘Ces, paano na ang mga anak mo pag may nangyari sa iyo?’” ">">

Ces Is Free! The Medical City's Official Statement

2008-06-18T18:16:00.000+08:00

Ms. Ces Orena Drilon arrived at The Medical City this afternoon at 2:30 PM. She was flown in by helicopter from the Centennial airport. Ms. Drilon is in good spirits and requests that she be given time to rest. She is accompanied by her immediate family members. Her two companions, Mr. Jimmy Encarnacion and Angelo Valderrama are also confined here in the hospital. The Medical City respects and

Gabriel Garcia Marquez_A Letter To My Friends

2008-06-16T18:19:00.000+08:00

Tonight I am wistful. H has just left for Vietnam and once again we are apart. I am wistful too because tonight, I looked intently into a dear friend's photograph and saw great sadness masked behind a smile. I know those eyes so well. And my heart breaks to see you in such pain. I wish to share in your sadness but for reasons only known to you, you refuse to let me into your life at this point

Raphe, Renz and LT Remember Rudy, the morning after

2008-06-14T17:11:00.000+08:00

Published in my Roots&Wings column on June 15, 2008 in the PHILIPPINE DAILY INQUIRER My heart broke when I saw photos of Raphe and Renz Fernandez as they spoke at their father’s necrological service. In the same breath, I was in awe of his widow, Lorna as she sat listening to her husband’s speak of their fond memories of him – clearly a picture of beautiful grace and faith under pressure. To

Losing Pare

2008-06-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

There is a pall of gloom upon my house right now. Last night our helper lost our beloved three year old pug, Pare. Right under her nose. Right under her watch. We came home at 6:30PM and I recall seeing him briefly in the garage. By 845PM, M, our helper said casually, "Wala si Pare?" I was no longer able to finish my dinner, as did the kids. I flew out of the house, on to the streets in my

Choosing Hope

2008-06-08T06:11:00.000+08:00

I'm being tested. I just know it. "You cannot serve two masters..." I'm angsty tonight. Some things I cannot explain, no matter how hard I try to understand. Maybe for now, I am not meant to. "I'm angsty," I told my daughter. "Yes, it radiates from your pores mama," she says. "Why?" I ask her. "Why is __________ taking it out on me? What have I done?" I ask her, my 17 year old going on 45

From A Sister To A Brother, Ten Years Later

2008-06-03T22:23:00.001+08:00

Ten years ago, on an early evening not very different from today, our lives were changed forever by the loss of our eldest son, Migi. Much has been written and said about that life-changing event, the nigtmare that you wold not wish, even on your worst enemy. The loss of a loved one changes you forever. The loss of a child leaves a mark on your heart and soul, so deep, that ten years later, as

Migi's 14th Birthday In Heaven

2008-02-18T09:53:00.000+08:00

My son Migi marks his 14th birthday in heaven on Thursday, February 21, 2008. He has been living there, with the heavenly Father, for close to nine years now."Does it become easy after nine years?" Many people have asked me this question. I choose to answer the question with both a yes and a no. Yes, because after nine years you do not cry as much, but no, because you continue to remember. There

A Valentine In Heaven

2008-02-14T04:57:00.000+08:00

Our beloved pastor Kevin Alamag and his wife Bel were killed in an accident this morning on Commonwealth Avenue. I just got the news an hour ago from a good friend and we were both shocked and saddened by the news. Pastor Kevin and his wife are only in their 30s and they leave behind two children, both under the age of 12. Though I am sure that Pastor Kevin and Bel are now happy in their real

Barack Obama On Faith

2008-01-31T12:42:00.000+08:00

"...it's an ongoing process for all of us in making sure that we are living out our faith every day. And, you know, it's something that I try to pray on at the beginning of every day and at the end of every day, whether I'm living my life in a way that's consistent with my faith." - Barack Obama in a Beliefnet.com interviewIf I were American I would probably vote for him.So many criticisms have

Understanding Grief In Toddlers

2008-01-27T13:19:00.001+08:00

Will Matilda ever remember Heath after he has long been gone?Reading this entry on the Babyrazzi.com website made me stop, and reflect, looking into my own life and into my files (I teach a course on grief at the Ateneo De Manila) to answer this question that many people have wondered about since the day Heath died. The very first question you would most likely as is -- Can a child this young

Another Project To Remember Migi By

2008-01-11T08:02:00.001+08:00

A few months back, November 10 to be exact, I wrote about a daycare center that Migi's Corner and my high school batch '82 was setting up for the employees of our alma mater, Maryknoll/Miriam College. Sponsored by Migi's Corner and Maryknoll College High School Batch '82, it will be called the Miriam College Daycare Center.Construction on the project began last Wednesday, January 9 and a small

A Baby In Heaven

2007-10-09T10:03:00.000+08:00

This beautiful poem was shared to me by blogmate Dine Racoma who lost her beloved grandson just last week. Writing, like art and music, is a healthy and creative way of expressing one's grief. The poem will tug at any bereaved parent's heart.You came to usGod's loving giftOur baby boyOur source of joy.You gave us loveThe purest kindYour perfect smileYour touch so mild.We had our hopesOur dreams,

Is Wrong To Ask God "Why?"

2007-09-28T10:06:00.001+08:00

Often in my work as a grief counselor, counseling people through periods of loss and transition, people always ask "Is it wrong to ask God why?" That's a tough question to answer and one that I used to ponder on myself. Personally, I don't think it's bad to ask God "why" when one is in the throes of deep pain and suffering, blinded by the tears that accompany an occurence of deep grief. It

Help A Grieving Child

2007-09-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

Do you know a child (between the ages of 3 to 18) who is grieving? Are you interested in helping that child?Come to our special seminar on "Helping Children Grieve" on Monday, September 24, 2007 at the Greenhills Christian Fellowship church on Ruby corner Garnet Roads in the Ortigas business district. My husband and I will be facilitating a two-hour video/workshop on how to better understand a

Life After A Miscarriage, One Year Later

2007-08-28T08:21:00.001+08:00

Exactly one year ago today, God gave me a second lease on life.Some moments in life change you forever andmy loss last year was one such event. By no coincidence, there is a lunar eclipse tonight - a "Red Moon Rising". Reading about it in the papers today I thought for a moment, what could be the significance of that? I Googled it and found a book with the exact same title that talks about a 24-7

Sibling Loss, My Daughter Remembers Her Brother

2007-08-26T10:49:00.000+08:00

The following essay was written by my daughter P, four years ago when she was 12 years old. I am inspired to post it here after she showed me a self-portrait that she took of herself last night, the one pictured above here. Loss early in life really imbues you with a sense of wisdom far beyond your years. It also puts into your heart a sense of sadness that will forever be there. Re-reading this

Griefshare Ministry on the 700 Club

2007-07-25T23:20:00.000+08:00

This day has been quite a long but terribly blessed one.The day began with H and I guesting on "The 700 Club" to talk about our Griefshare Ministry. What was particularly poignant was when they showed us a clip of an interview I had done for them back in 2000 when there were only two, going on three Migi's Corners. I had very short hair on the video and P was a chubby nine year old while L was a

Losing Your Parent In Adulthood

2007-07-15T10:14:00.001+08:00

This post is for my good friends - Ginny and Glenda whose devotion to their fathers inspired me and for Leah, Carissa and Lia who take wonderful care of their own dads in the best ways that they can. I came face to face with mortality this week -several times over, in fact. Last Monday, I received a text message saying that the father of a high school classmate had passed away after a long

Nine Years Later, All Is Well

2007-06-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

I was all set to go to bed when something told me to open my Migi's Corner email. And true enough, my son who now lives forever with his Father in heaven had a surprise waiting for me...For those of you reading this who do not know my history, Migi was my four year old son who passed away on June 3, 1998 from complications arising from an open heart surgery. Migi's Corner is the foundation that

Coming Full Circle

2007-04-25T10:44:00.000+08:00

Personal Testimony delivered at Greenhills Christian Fellowship on April 22, 2007My husband and I lost our four year old son nine years ago in 1998. Migi, who was then four years old, passed away due to complications from an open heart surgery. The loss of a child is a pain too great for words.Three months after his death, God blessed us with another son. Because I was recovering from childbirth,

Nothing By Accident

2007-04-16T06:59:00.000+08:00

The Lord always works in mysterious ways, HIS wonders to perform.I remember reading this line back when I was 10 year old and wondered what it meant. Through the years, it has taken on a deeper meaning as I have seen it come alive in several circumstances in my own life and as I have seen it happen in the lives of others. I am a firm believer that nothing happens in this world by chance or

From Mourning To Moving On

2007-04-08T07:44:00.000+08:00

MANILA, Philippines - Next year, it will be 10 years since he died.Does loss really become more bearable with the passage of time? How does loss transform you? It has taken me close to 10 years to find the answers to these questions, and the exercise continues to be a work in progress.Let me try to explain by telling you my story. In 1998, my 4-year-old son Migi died of complications from

Caring for the self and Remembering a Son

2007-02-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

I always get a little crazy and blue in the week leading up to Migi's birthday. Somehow this year was more difficult than the previous ones even if I was now close to nine years away from his loss. Perhaps the knowledge that he is now a teen-ager triggered my deep sense of loss this time around.For the uninformed, Migi is my 4 year old son who died in June 1998 from complications due to an open

Women In Grief and God's Faithfulness

2007-01-15T00:38:00.000+08:00

My friend Chinchin's faith is amazing. When one spends time with people like her, you really feel and touch the presence of God. Chin had been in a fire that gutted everything she had ever owned. Worse, she herself suffered second-degree burns from the heroic act of saving her bedridden mother by jumping from the second floor of her home down to the ground floor. The other day her mom finally,

Prayer for Enlightenment

2007-01-13T08:23:00.000+08:00

Lord I have so many whys. I could go on and on, but nothing will change no matter how many times I ask. I do not understand this. I do not understand You. But I realize I am not meant to. You, O Lord, are high above all, and I must give my questions to you once and for all. Forgive me when I limit You, doubt You, and expect You to fail me. I am so small compared to You, yet You love me more than

Be Honest With Your Grieving Children

2006-11-17T13:27:00.001+08:00

my little fallen angelOriginally uploaded by childish_david.You may wonder how much to say to your children about the loss of their sibling, parent, relative, or friend. Of course, you have to gauge it to their ages and attention spans, but with this in mind, we encourage you to be honest and open with your children."As parents you want to protect them; you want to make it right for them, and yet

On Losing a Father

2006-11-03T17:30:00.000+08:00

A father will always be his daughter's first love. The man by whom all others will be measured against. One of the defining moments of my adolescence was when I lost my dad at the age of 16. His loss came at a crucial time in my development and left me with wounds so deep it took me the next 20 or so years of my life trying to heal them. It is always very difficult for a parent to lose a child.

A Poem to Remember Loved Ones By

2006-10-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

A typhoon passes through the city today and we find ourselves awash with grey and dreary skies. Not exactly the best weather to find oneself in a few days before the nation commemorates the day when we remember loved ones now gone. All Soul's Day (November 1) is fast approaching and in the Philippines, everyone who has lost a loved one stops to pay respect to the one who has gone ahead, back to

Helping Your Child Deal With Loss

2006-10-28T12:26:00.001+08:00

RAIN, RAIN, GO AWAY......Originally uploaded by Cubbie1.My daughter and I lost two very special people in our lives at crucial points in our childhood.When I was 16 years old, my father died from a massive heart attack at the age of 49. We weren't able to say good-bye to him. I remember the day as if it took place only yesterday. Some memories stay with you for the rest of your life. P was 7 when

Griefshare Ministry

2006-10-25T10:23:00.002+08:00

For I will turn their mourning into joy - Jeremiah 31:13When you lose so many people in your life, somehow or another, you become like a poster girl for grief. Other people would dread the title but it is something that I have taken in stride. Through my losses, I have found my life's purpose and God's mission for me here on earth. This is the reason behind this third, and most recent blog and a